Do I Hear Drums?

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass from OK Go on Vimeo.

When the morning comes

Let it go, this too shall pass

This song is dedicated to my Matty K. It's silly, I know, but I am dedicating it to him for two reasons:

1) He loves a good drum line - No, I mean he seriously gets excited when two drum lines go head-to-head in a good competition

2) He's (we) faced with some pretty heavy decisions about what to do in the next 6 months and this decision will need to be made in the upcoming weeks. This decision will impact us both and I know he is confused so this song is only a word of encouragement - Let it go, this too shall pass.

I don't want to get into details here, but these decisions involve one of three options: 1) Moving to another state 2) Staying here and in the current position he's in for one more year 3) Get out of the military and join the reserves

So, with that, I ask for your prayers. I ask that you pray that we continue to trust God with pointing us in the right direction and that we follow what we know is right vs. just our feelings.

Feelings have too many thoughts involved. I'm not saying that feelings are wrong, but thinking things "to death" can lead to confusion and ultimately we will have no peace. I have been reading a few excerpts from the book Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives with the teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica and here are a few quotes that I would like to share with you:

"Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. if our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like. If our attention is turned to the circumstances in which we live, we are drawn into a whirlpool of thoughts and can have neither peace nor tranquility."

In the meantime, watch the video by OK Go for a nice chuckle and a reminder that all of life's difficult decisions and circumstances will pass. But while I wait for them to pass, I will lean on the One who will give Matty K and me all the positive thoughts we will need until "the morning comes..."

Thanks but No Thanks Pottery Barn

I love eggnog. I love it even more in my coffee. I ran out of half & half so I substituted with eggnog this morning.

Yes, eggnog is in full supply at your local grocery store. When I saw it on the shelf last week I thought I heard music playing and my eyes zeroed in on the half gallon. Some people don't like eggnog. Why? It's dee-lish-us.

Yum. Steaming cup of coffee with eggnog.

Eggnog also reminds me of Christmas. However, I feel much different about this Christmas than I have in years past. I'm disgusted in a way. Disgusted in a way that I want to tear up Christmas displays at stores (think of the image of Jesus overturning tables in the temple courts in disgust of how the temple had been turned into a market John 2:15). Perhaps this is a bit drastic and maybe I can blame it on the six holiday seasons that I worked for a national retailer and getting to hear for months the 4th quarter statistics and goals. While working for a national retailer there were $$ signs in the eyes of every employee and guests were walking doll-uh bills ($$). I don't want to be "preachy", because really, I am just like everyone else. I have gotten wrapped up in giving out of the sake of "giving" and never truly enjoying it. I'm disgusted with myself. I am saddened that I do not know the full meaning of Christmas any more. (Did I ever?)

When someone says the word "Christmas" images of cookies, and Christmas trees, and hot cocoa come to mind. I want to experience Christmas for the wonder that it truly is. This year, I want to understand Christmas on a whole new level. I want to:
1) worship fully
2) spend less and serve more
3) Give more - my time, encouragement (not necessarily gifts)
4) Love all

I have many ideas that I want to do this Christmas since this is the first Christmas that I will be spending with my side of the family since 2005. Not only is it special for that simple fact, but I want to celebrate this Christmas in a radically different way - a way that truly gives God all the glory and honor and changes me from the inside out.

This Christmas I have a few goals:
- In lieu of others giving me gifts, I would prefer those to give to Project Ethiopia. (I will have more information in the next week on how to do so with up-to-date reports on where that money is being spent and who is benefiting from the gift.)
- I will be encouraging others to do the same - to ask for gifts to be given to benefit those who have less. I promise you that you will never regret giving.
- Give meaningful gifts. The gifts I do give away must be handmade by either myself or from a third world artisan who benefits from fair trade.

Will you join me?

My mailbox has been full of magazines from stores who want to pocket my money and take away the real meaning of Christmas. Pottery Barn had this on their front cover:

Give Joyfully - yeah, I plan on it!

"Give Joyfully"

Yep, I plan on doing that this year...just not from the pages of their catalogs or from the shelves of their stores.

I feel like a kid again on Christmas day - the anticipation and excitement is bubbling over with uncovering the true meaning. And you know what? I think it will taste even better than eggnog!

Hang Time

It's been a few months since I've posted. I don't have an excuse that my life is too busy or that I forgot. Taking time away from this blog was important to focus on "me time" and it seems to be a reflection of what is going on with me in my "real life".

So many times in my life I kept pushing through things that I absolutely hated because, well, it seemed like the right thing do; the responsible thing to do; the mature thing to do. Life seemed to be sour each year with the realization that I seemed to be going down a path that wasn't really making me happy. I filled it with work and when I wasn't working, I wasn't doing anything that had caught my interest years before. So I did the unthinkable; I quit.

Sooo, on the flip side of quitting:

I was unsure if it was the right thing to do; the responsible thing to do; or the mature thing to do. But, as you can imagine, my life has seemed to brighten each month with the realization that I am going down a path that is not a dead-end, or as the french say, a cul-de-sac :)

I have spent a lot of time reading books, listening to podcasts, going to church, getting connected within the community, and picking up my camera once more. I haven't had severe anxiety like I have had in the past because I have used this time to rest.

I know what you are probably thinking, "rest?! How can you rest? Aren't you wondering what you are going to do with your life now that you aren't working?"

The answer: Heck yes! I wonder, but wondering doesn't solve anything. I have used this time to rest in the Word, to rest in Him who gives me strength. He has reminded me over and over that if I abide in Him then He will abide in me.

I was an unhappy person. I wasn't a thankful person. I put on a good face (sometimes), but in reality I had a really ugly soul. I can't imagine quitting six months ago to hop right into another job. A job that may have looked great and been great, but I would have been the same, unhappy person. I don't need "another" job, but I do need a change of heart. I truly believe that people don't take enough time to heal themselves of their hurts so they become these "wounded healers" themselves. So I've taken the past six months off to just "hang" on to God because I have nothing to give until I get healthy and whole inside first.

My grandma, Dee Dee, sent me a few meditations that she had read and made her think of me. I read from one today and I think it fits perfectly to what God is teaching me and revealing to me in my life:

(In reference to Luke 10:41 - Jesus and Martha)

"...No, he wanted her to see that she had allowed anxiety and stress to control her more than simplicity and love. He wanted her to see that she lost her temper because she had lost her perspective. Jesus wants to speak to us just as he spoke to Martha. He wants to invite us to sit with him and receive his abundant love. At the same time, he wants to give us energy for the work he's called us to. May we all eat the Bread of life and then go out and give away what God has given us!"

Do you need to slow down and rest in Him?